


Change of Pace

by Accal1a



Series: Flash Bang #1 (Indigo Team) [14]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Chance Meetings, Character of Faith, Gen, Having Faith, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a/pseuds/Accal1a
Summary: Simon has trouble dealing with his transition, and Raphael talks with him.Square #12 - Graveyard Meeting





	Change of Pace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [femme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/femme/gifts).



> Massive thanks to [femme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/femme) for talking me through my writers block on this.
> 
> Special thanks to [bcnedrah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bcnedrah) for changing one sentence and making it 500% better.

Raphael turned up in the graveyard to find Simon sitting on the ground at roughly the spot at which he was resurrected. Simon's back was to the entrance, and he was hunched over, his legs pulled up to his chest.

The older man rolled his eyes. If anyone wanted to attack his fledgeling they would be able to do so very easily, he was clearly not paying attention to anything apart from his thoughts. He approached at normal speed, not wanting to startle him.

“Simon?” He asked, as soon as he was closer.

Simon didn't immediately move, though he did unfurl from where he was, stretching his legs out in front of him, leaning his hands backwards to support him. It was a position of such relaxation that Raphael wanted to shout at him for being off his guard. This was a dangerous time, after all.

Raphael took a deep breath before sitting down opposite the other man. At least he was facing the entrance to the graveyard, at least he'd have a chance to see any threats before they arrived. Simon clearly wasn't paying any attention at all. 

“Simon?” Raphael repeated, attempting to make eye contact with the younger vampire.

Simon dodged the attempt to look at him by tipping his head backwards so that he could stare at the stars. He had always enjoyed looking at them, but now he felt their weight. Barring any catastrophes, he would live on and on and the same stars would shine down on him, forever. It was a lonely thought.

“Simon?” Raphael said again. “What are you doing back here?”

Raphael had an inkling about why Simon was there, but he didn't want to presume. If nothing else it was rude to assume someone else's thoughts, and Raphael Santiago was many things, but rude wasn't one of them.

Simon finally looked at his sire, appraising him for a second before he spoke.

“How do you do it?”

Raphael considered his words carefully before he spoke, choosing and discarding many sentences before he finally settled on a simple one. “The world is beautiful.”

Simon wasn't sure what he'd expected Raphael to say to him, whether he's expected an admonishment (something he got often from him) or a caustic response that seemed to be his trademark way of talking to people, but that soft spoken sentence wasn't it. He waited to see if Raphael was going to say anything else, but when he didn't he spoke too, mirroring the tone of the other man.

“And that makes up for all the...other stuff?”

“It makes the other stuff bearable.” Raphael said, mulling over his next sentence. “I've been alive a long time. Soon, there will be no one left of my human family, and that hurts. It makes things difficult to deal with, it makes me angry...”

Simon had thought that this was going to become a pep talk, but it certainly didn't seem to be going that way at all. He was about to say something when Raphael continued, so he closed his mouth again and listened.

“But there are things I've seen, things I can do that I couldn't when I was human. I know you haven't mastered it yet,” Raphael said with a frustrated sigh, “but I have speed that I never could have dreamed, I won't age, I don't get sick.”

“But we're nocturnal. We have to drink...” Simon paused, swallowing down the bile in his throat, “we have to drink _blood_ to survive, we can't say G...I can't worship with my family. There's no good here.”

Raphael paused, waiting to see if Simon was finished.

“I can help you with that. I was...I _am_ a Catholic. My faith is very important to me. I don't know whether I will be going to heaven anymore if I die, but that doesn't deter me from it. I can teach you how to say the name of your Lord, how to pray, how to celebrate with your family. It will take years to master, but this doesn't have to be the end of that.”

Simon looked at Raphael with such naked hope that it made the other immortal almost recoil with the extra responsibility that he had unwittingly heaped upon him himself. 

Raphael was pleased that he had gone looking for his fledgeling if he was able to quiet his mind. A chaotic vampire was a danger to both himself and others, and he didn't need that in his clan. Even more personally though, he saw a lot of himself in the man, and if he could give him the same support that he had got from Magnus, then it would be a good deed well done.

“It just...” Simon was so rarely at a loss for words, that it confused even himself when he was. He shook his head to try and clear the thoughts that were racing through it. “I've never lived somewhere without a Mezuzah at the door. I've never missed Shabbat, I've never _wanted_ to miss it.”

“I understand, there will be some adjustment, but if you work at it, you will be able to read your Torah again.” Raphael replied. 

Simon heard the conviction in his sire's voice and was calmed by it. He could hear how passionate Raphael was about the subject, and the fact that he was able to talk about God, talk about his struggles with it made him feel better.

“A lot of vampires lose their faith when they are turned, either because they feel cursed or because they lose their humanity. You don't have to. Not if you don't want to. Faith is a conscious choice every day and your choice doesn't have to change, even with this...development.”

“And losing everyone?” Simon asked, without conscious thought. As if the conversation wasn't deep or depressing enough, he had to keep pushing. It was like he was born with a perpetual foot in his mouth, doomed to trip over his own two feet into social disaster. 

Raphael took a deep breath. This subject was much closer to his heart. He was about to lose his sister, his last living relative. Perhaps that was why he chose to be so candid with Simon.

“Grief is grief. Like all bereavements, it hurts...and then it fades over time. There will come a time when all of the people you knew are gone, but there will be all the people that you have since met there with you. It is a fact of our long lives, and not something that we can change.”

Simon was silent for a long time, letting himself mull over what he had just heard. The idea of a time without his family, without Clary, without Luke was unconscionable.

“I guess you get to see a lot too?” Simon said, determined to find a silver lining.

Raphael smiled, happy to move on to a lighter subject. 

“So much. You can travel, you can study, you can meet people. I have seen so much, and it has only been less than a century. The Mona Lisa for example? _Much_ smaller in person.”

Simon laughed. It wasn't the full laugh that he normally would do, but it felt like a step in the right direction anyway. He felt the heavy weight in his chest shift ever so slightly and knew that the journey he was now on might be feasible after all.

“Come back to the Du Mort,” Raphael said, standing and smoothing down his suit when he had done so, “you have a new family now.” 

Simon's heart hurt at the words, thinking of his mother and Becky; but he also heard the sentiment for what it was. Raphael was offering him the beginning of a new life, and although it was scary and unknown, that didn't mean it was going to be terrible.

He just needed to have a little faith.


End file.
